Photo by Rachel S. Peters, animation by Brown Saraceno
Many moons ago, I think it must have been in 2006, I randomly downloaded a song called “Fuck the Smoking Ban” by an enigmatic singer named Beans on Toast. The first time I listened to it, I was hooked. Like, HOOKED. Immediately, I loved his smoky (“puns are the highest form of humor” – true blood) voice and his humor… So I spent about 5 minutes trying to figure out that he has never properly released anything. What an enigma, seriously. A walking, talking enigma. It’s hard enough to find his real name, or even a picture of the man (remember, this will come in handy later) so I went about finding all the freely released material he had and enjoyed it for two years.
Then, after two years of listening to him, I realized I hadn’t seen him live and probably wouldn’t…ever! But low and behold, there came a twist in my goal of seeing Beans on Toast live! He was announced to play SXSW 2009!!! Beans, did infact, play at SXSW 2008 but I wasn’t really aware of the enormity of the age restrictions and thus didn’t employ the effective use of a fake ID. I did have one, but I only used it once and it was at Buffalo Billiards and it wasn’t even to watch a band. However, it was a good night…. until we got lost in my car and ran out of gas and I was alone with a chick who was asleep and two of my favorite Scots, who then left and I basically broke into the house we were staying at to sleep. ANYWAY, back to Beans. So I was just beyond excited about seeing him perform live, although quite dismayed that it was only once. Cut to Red House Pizzaria on … Friday? I think so. Anyway, Jay Jay Pistolet was playing and we had had a nice little chat with him at his performance at the Hilton lobby and we saw the guy who was totally his handler (or, as we found out later, his manager), and we invited him over to sit with us. So we were chatting blah blah blah and then it came out… he said, “I’m playing the festival, too!” and so we asked what his band was called…. “Beans on Toast!” he said. Remember when I said I didn’t know what he looked like? Well I wasn’t lying. I couldn’t contain myself and let forth a burst of fangirlishness that hasn’t been seen this side of August 8, 2006. Luckily, he was not THAT freaked out. It was my one of my favorite moments of SXSW (another being hearing the good/bad/ugly about all festivals from him over BBQ) but it sounds kind of lame on the internets, especially if you don’t know me and don’t understand how much I adore Beans on Toast.
So that Friday we got to see him perform at the bar FRIENDS (very appropriate) and we were just BLOWN away. Like, we stumbled out of the bar (and into some other “friends” and stalkers) and were just GUSHING about how good Beans was. First of all, let me describe to you the stage set up. Empty, other than one tall bar stool. And atop the bar-stool, the little chocolate Hershey kiss that is Beans on Toast, with the microphone stretched way up high so he can sing/speak/preach/rap into it. His set was so engaging though because it’s just him and the guitar, which he admits he doesn’t play very well but that’s not really the point. His songs are SO funny and thoughtful and pointed and light-hearted and serious but they ALWAYS have an excellent rhyme scheme. To really like Beans on Toast, you have to buy into him 100% and when you do, you realize that he is a poet.
It’s funny, that I’m writing this long as fuck blog about him, because the songs (TECHNICALLY) are nothing to write home about. Yet, here I am writing what will probably end up 1,000+ words about the guy. By his own admission, most of his songs follow the same chord progression (and the same strum pattern, mostly – but that’s my 2p) and sounds a bit like Billy Bragg. So he’s not the most award-winning guitarist, but he’s witty as hell and can write a song about PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING (see ‘I Fancy Laura Marling’ or ‘No Fit Girls in NYC’) and mean it. That’s what I think is so powerful about Beans is that he is really loud and outspoken but you can tell that he means what he’s saying (unless he’s being facetious, and then WATCH OUT!). And more to the point, HIS VOICE! His voice is so excellent. I mean, it sounds like he has been drinking whiskey (or some other throat scorching drink) and smoking 2+ packs a day for his, well, entire life, but it’s got that intonation of experience, and hell, I like listening to it. He could read Walt Whitman and I’d actually want to listen to him.
To sum up, in a few words, what I elongated to 933: LISTEN TO BEANS ON TOAST. To help you achieve this end, I have uploaded MANY superb, witty, excellent, catchy, humorous, depressing, and wonderful songs by the man. You better listen to them.
9,450,000
Binge Drinking
Can’t Buy Me Love
Eggs Benedict
Fancy Dress Frisbee
Hippy Crack
I Fancy Laura Marling
Kate Moss’ Birthday Party
M.D.M.Amazing
No Fit Girls in NYC
Steve Nolan & The Chinese Army
Thanks For Fucking Up The World
The Big Goodbye
The Countrys Gone to Shit
The Last Romantic Fools
The Media Circus
Today is the Tomorrow we Thought About Yesterday
Wave Goodbye to EMI
Whatever Happened to the Rubicks Cube
View some of my photos of Beans on Toast from his gig at Friends during SXSW 2009 after the jump…
And the rest can be seen at my FLICKR.
Tags: beans on toast
